Blog Archives
NEW RELEASE! Juliet Madison’s Romantic Comedy Collection
I’m so excited to share that 3 of my romcom stories have been bundled together into one magical collection, all for the price of one ebook!
My new Romantic Comedy Collection is now available in ebook to buy or gift to a friend. It includes the following stories:
Aspiring supermodel Kelli Crawford seems destined to marry her hotshot boyfriend, but on her twenty-fifth birthday she wakes in the future as a fifty-year-old suburban housewife married to the now middle-aged high school nerd. Trapped in the opposite life of the one she wanted, Kelli is forced to re-evaluate her life and discover what is really important to her. Will she overcome the hilarious and heartbreaking challenges presented to her and get back to the body of her younger self?
I DREAM OF JOHNNY
Getting three wishes isn’t all it’s cracked up to be when an unfortunate spelling error in Mandy’s high-tech magic lamp changes her wish for a Greek God to a Geek God. Before Mandy can request a replacement wish, she has to put up with him for twenty four hours, and the timing couldn’t be worse — it’s her friend’s wedding day, her ex will be there, and the God of Geeks insists on coming along for the ride!
STARSTRUCK IN SEATTLE
Aspiring actress Anna Hilford might only have a small role in a leading television drama, but she longs to be dreamboat Karl Drake’s leading lady. Sick of being loveless and overlooked, Anna seeks the help of the love coach, Lulu, from LuluTheLoveAngel.com but fate has different ideas: Lulu has undisclosed power, and Anna is about to realise that life happens while you’re busy making plans…
Thanks to Escape Publishing for putting this together, and thanks to my loyal readers who have supported my books. 🙂
You can buy it from all online ebook retailers, here are the main links, if your preferred store is not listed you can find all other links on the Escape page by clicking the buy now button on that page.
– Amazon
– iTunes
– Kobo
>> And, to WIN a signed tote bag featuring the book cover and filled with swag and surprise goodies, head over to my Facebook group, join (if not already a member), and comment on the giveaway post! Winner drawn April 29. Open worldwide.
Happy reading, and long live romantic comedies!! 🙂
~ Juliet xx
NEW BOOK RELEASE! 12 Daves of Christmas
If 7 is a lucky number, then today is my lucky day (and yours!) 😉
12 DAVES OF CHRISTMAS is my 7th published book and is now available! 🙂
It is a 30,000 word novella (short novel), and fits into the ‘romagic comedy’ genre – romance, magic, and comedy. It is also a bit of a tearjerker I’ve been told! But as in all my books, an uplifting ending is guaranteed.
My writer friends may relate to the heroine, Abby, a busy writer on a deadline!
Here is the blurb:
A beautiful, uplifting holiday story from bestselling author Juliet Madison about a lonely writer, her grandmother’s ghost, a road trip, and twelve different Daves.
Abby Solomon may write happy-ever-afters for a living, but doesn’t believe she’ll have her own. But then a surprise visit from her grandmother’s ghost sets her off on a journey she’ll never forget.
Grandma Charlotte wants to find her first love, Dave, who she mistakenly thought had died in World War II. A quick trawl through the Yellow Pages yields a list of twelve possibilities, and Abby and Charlotte set off on a Christmas road trip — twelve Daves over twelve days along the sun-drenched east coast of Australia.
With just over a week to make the meeting happen, Abby has to meet a dozen Daves — some sweet, some quirky, some downright dangerous — while trying to honour her book deadline and enduring the awkward challenges of having a ghost as a travelling companion.
But when she comes across a young doctor who looks like the hero in one of her novels, Abby has the chance to discover that true love transcends time and space, and that happy endings aren’t only to be found between the pages of a book.
I hope you’ll enjoy my first Christmas story, and it would make a perfect Christmas gift for friends and family! hint hint 😉 (You can gift ebooks on Amazon and iTunes etc).
It’s available worldwide from all ebook retailers. if you don’t know how to read ebooks, you can download a free reading app such as iBooks from the iTunes app store, or the Kindle reading app from Amazon. These work on smartphones, tablets, iPads, PC’s, laptops etc.
BUY:
Amazon: http://amzn.com/B00PFBFESM
Amazon AU: http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00PFBFESM
Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00PFBFESM
iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/au/book/12-daves-of-christmas/id936559049?mt=11
B&N Nook: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/12-daves-of-christmas-juliet-madison/1120836917
Kobo: http://store.kobobooks.com/ebook/12-daves-of-christmas
All other links via Escape publishing:
http://www.escapepublishing.com.au/product/9780857992178
Happy Christmas reading! 🙂
~ Juliet
Release Day! HAUNTED EVER AFTER is here
Today is the official release day for HAUNTED EVER AFTER, my new full length romantic comedy novel with a touch of magic. And over the next two weeks I’m running a special competition to win a beautiful silver bracelet from Mantraband of the winner’s choice (Open Worldwide, free shipping). See below.
HAUNTED EVER AFTER
Mixing romance, humour and a sparkle of magic, Juliet Madison is back with a new full-length novel about a bride-to-be, a mystery and the stripper next door.
When bride-to-be Sally Marsh attends a weekend away with her bridesmaids, the last thing she expects is an uninvited guest: the ghost of her fiancé’s ex-girlfriend.
Red is quirky, loud and distracting, and Sally is soon desperate to find the reason behind her presence, so she can rid herself of her embarrassing shadow before the wedding day. Unfortunately, the ghost is reluctant to share the reason for her existence, but very enthusiastic about Ty, the surprise hen’s night stripper who keeps showing up at awkward moments.
Time is running out for Sally, but it’s also running out for Red. By the time all is revealed, Sally will be tested to the limits, and go above and beyond everything she’s ever believed in order to ensure not only her own happy-ever-after – but Red’s as well.
>> BUY NOW from Escape Publishing or via the links below:
Amazon.com / Amazon AU / Amazon UK / iBooks / Kobo / B&N / Google Play / Booktopia / Ebooks.com / JB HiFi / AllRomanceEbooks / Big W Ebooks /
If you enjoyed FAST FORWARD, be sure to check out Haunted Ever After which has lots of funny moments as well as emotional and heartwarming moments. This one also has a touch of mystery, and what romcom novel of mine wouldn’t be complete without a wacky underwear scene? There’s one in here too. Two, in fact. 😉
And to celebrate the release, I’m joining forces with two fellow authors from Escape Publishing who also write Magic Realism Romance; Sarah Belle and Jacquie Underdown, in a fun Facebook party with lots of giveaways! It starts tonight (Sep 1st) and will run for 24 hours (the party – not us, we will hopefully get some sleep at some point). Join the event HERE!
GIVEAWAY!
WIN a beautiful silver inspirational bracelet from Mantraband with your choice of affirmation engraved on it, plus an ebook of your choice written by me (6 to choose from). Open WORLDWIDE and free shipping for the bracelet. The bracelet prize will be delivered as an email gift voucher which you can use to order the bracelet of your choice free of charge. Winner drawn 15th September.
To enter click the following rafflecopter link:
Good luck! And i hope you enjoy HAUNTED EVER AFTER! 🙂
4 Weeks To Go! HAUNTED EVER AFTER sneak peek
Each week until release day I’ll share a fun excerpt pic like the one below, and a longer excerpt here on the blog. So with 4 weeks to go, here is an excerpt of HAUNTED EVER AFTER, my next full-length romantic comedy with a touch of magic. If you enjoyed the fun and mayhem of FAST FORWARD, be sure to check this one out on 1st September. 😉
Excerpt:
‘I want you to call Ty and ask him to come over for a game of Twister.’
‘Twister? But that’s a game for flexible young kids who don’t mind clambering over each other.’
‘Ty is flexible.’
‘I’m not! And I’m engaged, it wouldn’t be right to get that close to another guy. You’ll have to give me another dare.’
‘Okay, I dare you to walk down the main street and sing Tomorrow from Annie at the top of your lungs, and hug random people as you go by.’
I had visions of being captured on video and going viral on YouTube. ‘No, no way.’ I shook my head vigorously.
‘Then call Ty.’ Mel handed me back my phone. ‘Twister or Tomorrow. What’ll it be?’
I ran a hand over my head. No way could I sing in public, especially after my dance incident. Singing was a completely different thing, and my voice could barely crank out a simple Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in tune.
‘So I just have to call him and ask, it doesn’t matter if he says no, right?’
‘If he says yes, you have to play Twister with him, but if he says no, well, I guess there’s nothing you can do about that. But you have to at least ask him.’ She shoved the phone into my hand and it shook in my grasp. It was only a simple phone call, but something about being around him made me nervous. Maybe it was his superhuman physique, or the fact that he seemed like some super-caring, kind, too-good-to-be-true angel from heaven sent down to earth to make women swoon and look after those who needed a little extra support. He came from a completely different world to mine, and it felt like I was about to call my teenage celebrity crush.
‘Here’s his number,’ Lorena said, showing me her phone.
I added him as a contact and my finger hovered over his number.
‘Press it, Sally! I want to see this!’ Red was back to her usual self at the prospect of another embarrassing moment for me.
I pressed it.
‘Hello? Ty speaking,’ he answered.
‘Hi, Ty, I…’ Oh God, I’m rhyming! ‘It’s me, Sally.’
‘Sexy Sally?’
Heat rushed up my face. ‘Well, the one from the guest house.’
‘Yeah, as I said: Sexy Sally. What can I do for you? Would you like to book another performance?’
‘Oh goodness, no, not at all.’
‘Gee, thanks. Glad you’re so keen.’
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean…I just meant, anyway, I’m calling to ask something,’
He was silent for a moment, then: ‘You’ll have to speak up, sunshine.’
I cleared my throat but my voice remained croaky. ‘I was wondering if you’d care for a game of…’ I cleared my throat again at the same time as uttering the word, ‘Twister’.
‘Sorry? A game of what?’
‘Twister,’ I said more loudly, the painful embarrassment like a red-hot burn on my cheeks.
Mel tipped her head back with a sudden laugh.
Ty’s voice held a hint of a smile. ‘You want me to come over to play Twister?’
‘I guess so.’
He chuckled. ‘You girls are an entertaining bunch.’
‘It’s okay, you don’t have to, I know you’ve had a busy day and you probably have other things to do with your brother, or a job to go to, or — ’
‘Be there in ten.’
‘Huh?’
‘The guest house. Ten minutes. I’ll warm up on the way there.’ And then he hung up.
I kept the phone next to my ear and furrowed my brow, my mouth agape.
‘Sal?’ asked Mel.
‘He hung up.’
‘He hung up on you?’ Georgie asked.
‘No, he hung up after saying he’d be here in ten minutes.’
‘Woohoo!’ Mel exclaimed. ‘I only wanted you to ask him, I didn’t think he’d actually agree to it! Ooh, this is going to be fun to watch!’
‘Watch? But you have to play too, I can’t play it on my own, with him.’
‘Nope, the dare was for you to ask him over to play.’
‘And I’m definitely out of this game,’ Lorena said, holding her belly and convenient excuse. I was sure, though, had she not been pregnant, she wouldn’t have minded playing Twister with a stripper.
‘And as much as I’d love to get up close and personal with His Royal Hotness, I’d much rather see you in action on those coloured spots.’ Mel grinned, and I looked towards Georgie for moral support.
She held her palms up. ‘Sorry, I’m needed in the kitchen.’
‘But we’re eating out tonight.’
‘Yes, but someone has to marinate the lamb for tomorrow night’s dinner.’
‘But — ’
‘Too late for an appeal, Sal, you better get ready. Warm up and stretch or something. I’ll set up the mat. Tick-tock!’ She tapped her watch.
Oh my goodness gracious me. I felt like I was about to betray Greg. What had I got myself into?
As Mel prepared the game, I swung my arms around in circles. Probably best if I did warm up a little, it would make it easier to manoeuvre around the mat and avoid bodily contact. Why did he agree to play Twister anyway? He knows I’m taken, so it’s not like he’s seeing it as an opportunity to hit on me or anything. Probably just wants to show off his…bendiness.
Stay tuned for the release of HAUNTED EVER AFTER on Sept 1st from Escape Publishing.
>> You can add it to your Goodreads shelf HERE.
>> And you can preorder from Amazon & iTunes at the moment (though will be available 1st Sept from all ebook retailers):
- Amazon: http://amzn.com/B00M19AWO2
- UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00M19AWO2
- AUS: http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00M19AWO2
- iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/au/book/haunted-ever-after/id902138042?mt=11
5 Weeks To Go! HAUNTED EVER AFTER sneak peek
Each week until release day I’ll share a fun excerpt pic like the one below, and a longer excerpt here on the blog. So with 5 weeks to go, here is the first excerpt of HAUNTED EVER AFTER, my next full-length romantic comedy with a touch of magic. If you enjoyed the fun and mayhem of FAST FORWARD, be sure to check this one out on 1st September. 😉
Excerpt:
What does one talk to a stripper about over dinner anyway? ‘How was work? Did you have a good day at the office?’
Georgie served our meals of Chicken Valdostano, and after taking a mouthful and complimenting the chef, Ty directed questions my way, saving me from having to think what to ask him. ‘When’s the big day?’
‘One week’s time. Are you married?’ I asked. It was so much easier to ask that question when men knew you were taken, otherwise it sounded like you were sussing them out for potential husband material. But anyway, what sort of wife would want her husband to strip semi-naked and have women grope him in order to pay the bills and put food on the table?
He shook his head, took another mouthful, then asked, ‘What do you do for a living, Sally?’
‘Sally’s a nurse,’ Mel said.
‘I’m sure she can speak for herself, Mel,’ said Georgie, her slender fingers wrapped around the stem of her wine glass.
‘Sorry, force of habit. Five kids.’ Mel shrugged.
‘Ah, you must be a very caring person,’ Ty said. ‘How long have you been nursing?’
‘Geez, he asks a lot of questions.’ Red sat at the empty chair to my right and placed her ghostly elbows on the table. Such a classy ghost. Crashing my party and bad table manners to boot.
‘Almost ten years now.’ I smiled.
‘I could have been a nurse,’ Red said. ‘All those smart, hot doctors to drool over. Mmm…’ she rolled her eyes back in an apparent daydream.
I wouldn’t spoil her assumption and tell her that most of the doctors I knew were either grey-haired and pudgy men or skinny and awkward young men with remnants of teenage acne. Sure, there were a few lookers, but it’s no Grey’s Anatomy.
‘How long have you been, um, stripping?’ I asked, as dignified as possible.
‘Three years.’ He took a sip of wine. ‘And did you always want to be a nurse?’
Did you always want to be a stripper? I couldn’t imagine him as a young boy at school getting up in front of the class and sharing his career aspirations for career day.
‘Well, sort of, I — ’
‘I want to ask questions too, sheesh! Can’t get a word in with this guy!’ Red sat on the edge of the table and I tried not to look at her. ‘What’s your favourite colour, Sally? Wait, let me guess, mauve, right?’
Quit distracting me! I tried the ESP thing again. But what I really wanted to do was push her off the table. So much for being a caring person.
‘Okay, what’s your favourite band then?’ she persisted. ‘Favourite food?’ She leaned over the table and shoved her face in front of mine. ‘Ooh, what about favourite celebrity when you were a teenager? Huh, huh? Answer me, girl!’
I shifted in my seat and pretended I was trying to retrieve the answer to Ty’s question, which had been diluted by Red’s constant verbal assault.
‘Favourite book? Favourite animal?’ she continued shooting questions at me like a tennis ball machine, and my head started to hurt.
‘Um…’ I cleared my throat and rubbed my ear, tension building inside like a boiling pot of water. ‘Sorry, what was the question again?’
‘I said, did you always want to be a nurse?’ Ty repeated.
‘Favourite song? Favourite shop?’ Red continued. ‘Ooh, ooh! Favourite sexual position?’
In frustration, my hand banged down on the table, sending my fork flying across to the floor. ‘Missionary, okay? Missionary!’ I blurted.
All eyes stared at me. ‘What?’ Lorena asked, curiosity and concern on her face at my apparent distress.
Oh dear God.
Red had collapsed in laughter on the floor next to me. ‘Missionary! Haha, missionary position! I knew it!’ she repeated, rolling about.
Just when I thought I’d have to excuse myself from the table, a convenient explanation hit me. I cleared my throat. ‘A missionary. I, er, wanted to be a missionary.’ I gave a confident nod.
‘Um, no you didn’t,’ Lorena said firmly.
Mel had cracked up as well as Red. ‘Since when did you want to become a missionary?’
I pushed my unnatural curls from my face and raised my chin. ‘Well, if you must know, since I was a kid. My parents sent me to Sunday school (true) and I really enjoyed it (false). I thought it would be great to one day travel the world and spread the good word of the Lord (also false). There. Now you know.’
‘Good for you,’ Ty said with a nod. ‘What stopped you?’
How could I get off the missionary topic? All this quick thinking was doing my head in.
Stay tuned for the release of HAUNTED EVER AFTER on Sept 1st from Escape Publishing.
>> You can add it to your Goodreads shelf HERE.
>> And you can preorder from Amazon & iTunes at the moment (though will be available 1st Sept from all ebook retailers):
A bride-to-be, a mystery, and the stripper next door…
Yep, that’s what my next magical romantic comedy novel is about in a nutshell! HAUNTED EVER AFTER is now available for preorder and is on Goodreads (links below). And here is the official blurb, thanks to managing editor Kate from Escape Publishing who edited my draft into the fabulousness below…
HAUNTED EVER AFTER (release date: 1st Sept 2014, Escape Publishing/Harlequin Australia):
Mixing romance, humour and a sparkle of magic, Juliet Madison is back with a new full-length novel about a bride-to-be, a mystery and the stripper next door.
When bride-to-be Sally Marsh attends a weekend away with her bridesmaids, the last thing she expects is an uninvited guest: the ghost of her fiancé’s ex-girlfriend.
Red is quirky, loud and distracting, and Sally is soon desperate to find the reason behind her presence, so she can rid herself of her embarrassing shadow before the wedding day. Unfortunately, the ghost is reluctant to share the reason for her existence, but very enthusiastic about Ty, the surprise hen’s night stripper who keeps showing up at awkward moments.
Time is running out for Sally, but it’s also running out for Red. By the time all is revealed, Sally will be tested to the limits, and go above and beyond everything she’s ever believed in order to ensure not only her own happy-ever-after but Red’s as well.
Think Bridesmaids meets Ghost Whisperer with a bit of Magic Mike (the good bits) 😉
>> You can add it to your Goodreads shelf HERE.
>> And you can preorder from Amazon & iTunes at the moment (though will be available 1st Sept from all ebook retailers):
- Amazon: http://amzn.com/B00M19AWO2
- UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00M19AWO2
- AUS: http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00M19AWO2
- iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/au/book/haunted-ever-after/id902138042?mt=11
>> See the Pinterest board for the book HERE.
Thanks to my readers for your ongoing support, and I hope you enjoy Haunted Ever After! 🙂
Book News: I’ve signed another contract!
The paperwork is all in order so I can now officially announce that I’ve signed a 3 book contract with my publisher, Escape Publishing (digital imprint of Harlequin Australia)! 😀
The books are as follows:
- HAUNTED EVER AFTER (previously Haunted Housewives) – a romagic comedy novel about a prim and proper bride-to-be who is haunted by the ghost of her fiance’s ex-girlfriend on her hen’s/bachelorette weekend away. There’ll be fun and games, a stripper who has more to reveal than rock-hard abs, and one very feisty red-haired ghost on a mission. Releasing 1st September 2014.
- 12 DAVES OF CHRISTMAS – a heartwarming romagic comedy Christmas novella about a romance writer who spends more time on her fictional love lives than her own, and receives a surprising visit from her Grandmother’s ghost asking for help to find her first love, Dave, who disappeared during the war. Cue a Christmas road trip, and a series of funny and touching moments as they work their way through a list of Daves in search of the right one. Releasing 1st December 2014.
- MIRACLE IN MARCH (tentative title) – Book #3 in the Tarrin’s Bay series, though a complete stand-alone story just like The January Wish and February or Forever. …Miracle in March is about two ex-lovers both in need of a miracle, who find themselves unexpectedly reunited during a one week stay at the Tarrin’s Bay Beachside Cabins. Emma’s hiding the truth about why she ended their relationship six years ago, and James is no longer a high-flying lawyer but a single stay-at-home dad with an autistic son. At the Town of New Beginnings, truths will be shared, dreams will be remembered, and a miracle or two just may occur. Releasing 1st March 2015.
I can’t wait to share the first book, Haunted Ever After, with you in September! The other two are currently in progress, so I’m working hard on making them as enjoyable as possible and meeting my deadlines!
I use Pinterest a lot for inspiration, so if you’d like to follow my boards for each of these books, here are the links:
Haunted Ever After on Pinterest, 12 Daves of Christmas on Pinterest, Miracle in March on Pinterest.
You can also stay updated by subscribing to this blog, and to my email updates at www.julietmadison.com (free gift included!).
BIG thanks to my publisher for continuing to publish my books, and to my readers and reviewers who keep me in business! 🙂
~ Juliet
Happy Birthday FAST FORWARD! My 1 year anniversary of being published :)
It’s my baby’s first birthday! My book baby that is 😉
FAST FORWARD, my debut ro-magic comedy novel that was published on 1st February 2013, is now one year old. Which means, it’s also my publishaversary! (sp?) As if that’s not enough excitement for one day, today, the 1st February 2014 is also the publication day of my new novel (and 5th book), FEBRUARY OR FOREVER! …Stay tuned at 3pm Sydney time for a special release day blog post for that. 🙂
So yay! Triple the celebration!
It’s been a BIG twelve months, and I’m thrilled that readers have had such a positive response to my first book (and my others). Over 100 ratings and over 50 reviews have come in for Fast Forward on Goodreads, which you can read here. You can also see a list of my published books on Goodreads here and add them to your shelves if you wish.
It all started on New Year’s Day 2012. I was wondering which story to write next as I was flipping through a magazine. The next page I turned had an article titled Fast Forward, and I knew instantly that I had to write it, right away! (I had already come up with the title so it was like fate giving me a shove in the right direction). I wrote the first chapter that day, and the character of Kelli was born.
I had so much fun writing this character and her story, starting as a conceited young model and transforming her into a mature, empathetic, nice, well-rounded person (hehe, if you’ve read the book you’ll get that pun) 😉 I also loved writing the quirky secondary characters. I’ve had several readers tell me they fell in love with fifty-year-old Will! He’s such a Superman. 😉
What’s happened since then…
Since publication, Fast Forward became a Number 1 Bestseller in the futuristic category on iTunes, and a Top 100 Bestseller in the romantic comedy category on Amazon UK. It was also a finalist in the women’s fiction category of the Book Junkies Choice Awards, was a Harlequin Junkie Book Club pick, and I recently became a finalist for Favourite New Romance Author in the ARRA Awards. 🙂 It’s great to look back at the year gone and see how things have progressed.
And how appropriate that the cover of FAST FORWARD comes with its own birthday cake?! Saves me having to find a nice cake picture for the blog post! Speaking of covers, I couldn’t be happier with the design the fabulous Harlequin team came up with. The image of a beautiful young woman blowing out a fifty-year-old’s birthday cake is funny and intriguing, and captures the premise of the story perfectly.
…A wonderful thing during this past year was my Nanna being able to read the dedication to her at the front of the book. She passed away a few months later, so I’m glad she got to live long enough to see a book dedicated to her (and she read the book too!).
Thanks, thanks, and more thanks…
To my publisher, thank you! And to my readers, thank you! Having a book out in the world (and now five), is a dream come true. If you’ve read Fast Forward and enjoyed it, I would love love love if you’d consider telling your friends about it. Word of mouth is an author’s best friend (though some would say coffee and chocolate, but no, I tell you the truth ;)) Just one recommendation can lead to another, and another, and so on, which can help authors to be able to continue writing and publishing books. If you’d like to share, send them a link to this post, or to the book’s page on Amazon, or my publisher’s page where all the various links to different stores are. Cyber hugs to everyone who’s spread the news about Fast Forward and/or my other books, you are the angels of this industry!
If you haven’t read FAST FORWARD yet, you can grab a copy via the links at the bottom of this post, and now I’ll leave you with a few one-liners from the book, followed by an excerpt from a scene that many have said is their favourite:
- “Fifty?” I blurted, almost choking as the word launched from the slingshot of my voice box. “I’m not fifty! I’m supposed to be twenty five!”
- Wait … if I was married to William McSnelly, then that would make me … Oh God, no! Kelli McSnelly. Shoot me now.
- “Liliana, do you believe in … ” I glanced around surreptitiously to make sure there were no men in white jumpsuits getting ready to whisk me away to a facility for middle-aged menopausal psychopaths. “ … time travel?”
- Automatically reaching for non-existent keys in my non-existent handbag, my hands then flew to my cheeks. How do I unlock the car?
- I might need support underwear to fit into the support underwear and that could go on and on. I’d be my own Russian doll.
And a brief excerpt from many readers’ favourite scene: the ‘support underwear’ scene…
I grabbed the edge of the fabric again, pulling as hard as I could, but only managed to squash my face, my upturned nose now practically touching my forehead. I must have looked like one of those criminals who cover their face with stockings. I could rob a bank in this thing, only I’d need an accomplice—or a guide dog—to show me where the hell I was going and possibly an oxygen tank feeding me air through a straw.
Oh my God! What was I going to do? My mind swirled in one chaotic haze, as panic rose within and the chances of getting out of this predicament alive seemed slimmer by the minute. Unlike my abdomen.
Crazy images flashed through my mind of Will finding me passed out on the floor of the bedroom, the magic suit still covering my head, arms still stuck up in the air … paramedics whisking me off to hospital …. Will waiting anxiously outside the operating room and the doctor emerging with an expression of defeat, pulling the mask off his face in resignation.
I’m sorry, Mr McSnelly. We did everything we could. We managed to remove some of it, but couldn’t get it all, I’m afraid. The situation was too far advanced and she couldn’t fight any longer. I’m very sorry.
Will would collapse in tears and the doctor would go back to the operating room and sign my death certificate. Cause of death: Asphyxiation by SlimFX Magic Suit.
A lawsuit—ha! how appropriate—would ensue and, if the suits weren’t taken off the market, they would at least come with a warning on the packet like cigarettes: Use magic suit at own risk. May cause death, deformity, or post-traumatic stress disorder. They’d have a grotesque picture of some poor woman—probably me—trapped in the suit. Others would show gangrenous arms from the circulation being cut off and faces permanently disfigured from the pressure exerted by the suit during its attempted take-off mission. I realised then that I’d have to have a closed coffin at my funeral so as to spare my family from the trauma of seeing me like that. Speaking of coffins, I’d probably need an extra-long one to accommodate my arms, permanently extended above my head from not only the stuck magic suit but also rigor mortis.
~*~
FAST FORWARD: Aspiring supermodel, Kelli Crawford seems destined to marry her hotshot boyfriend, but on her twenty-fifth birthday she wakes in the future as a fifty-year-old suburban housewife married to the now middle-aged high school nerd.
Trapped in the opposite life of the one she wanted, Kelli is forced to re-evaluate her life and discover what is really important to her. Will she overcome the hilarious and heartbreaking challenges presented to her and get back to the body of her younger self? Or will she be stuck in the nightmare of hot flushes, demanding children, raunchy advances from her husband and hideous support underwear forever?
Buy FAST FORWARD via…
Escape Publishing, Amazon, Amazon UK, Amazon AUS, iTunes/iBookstore, Kobo, Google Play, B&N/Nook, JB Hi-Fi.
>> Join me this weekend for an online facebook party and chat to celebrate Fast Forward’s birthday and the release of February or Forever: https://www.facebook.com/events/1419435084961712/
FAST FORWARD is FREE for a Limited Time
Just a quick post to let you know that my romantic comedy novel FAST FORWARD is currently available for free on both Amazon and Amazon UK!
Grab it while you can, and if you’ve already got it, let your friends know they can pick up a free read for the weekend 🙂
Plus, the more downloads it gets, the higher up the Amazon rankings it goes, which means greater exposure and visibility for the book.
At the time of posting, Fast Forward is up to #64 in the Top 100 of Amazon’s ‘free list‘. Let’s see if it can go higher!
Here are the links to download a free copy from Amazon:
>>Free copy of FAST FORWARD AT Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Fast-Forward-Juliet-Madison-ebook/dp/B00B7VP6BY/
>>Free copy of FAST FORWARD AT Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fast-Forward-Juliet-Madison-ebook/dp/B00B7VP6BY/
Thanks to those who have shared the links already, and I hope you enjoy the read! 🙂
~ Juliet xx